Headlines : 15th June, Thursday

It was hot all the way here in Chennai. People were sweating like Ronaldo tracking the needle on his weighing machine.

Its sad but true. Brazilian footballer Ronaldo has been jeered by fans during the World Cup due to his weight problem. In fact, when Diego Maradona watching from the stands remarked – ‘ Ronaldo is clearly a bigger star than me’ , he was not speaking in metaphors.

Today has been declared a national holiday in Nigeria. Oh yes, baby. Rahul Mahajan has been released on bail. The drug industry is back in business people !!

Listen to this. Rahul Mahajan has told the press that despite what has happened, he will make his father proud one day. I think he has already done enough by going to jail at such a young age. The Mahajan family tradition has been kept well alive.

A worrying statistic. More than 4 lakh die of AIDS every year in India. Officials who conducted the survey say that it is a matter of grave concern for the country. Literally. There is no space to properly bury all thes people anymore.

The Delhi University is going to install spy cams throughout the campus to identify students involved in ragging. Goody good. Spy cams and horny students. Let me tell you, the authorities at the University have seemingly arranged for their year’s supply of free porn quite cleverly.

President Bush has refuted calls for the US to move out of Iraq. He says its too early. It seems there are several Marines who are yet to fulfill their lifelong dream of shooting a pregnant woman in broad daylight. “Should we deny them even this simple pleasure?” – asks Bush.

Speaking of Bush……..his official speech writer at the White House is going to quit after doing the job for 7 years. Oh My God !!! If you thought Bush was funny with his English when he had a writer, just imagine the possibilities for humour when he has to write his own speeches henceforth without adult supervision : – )))

The scientific community is buzzing with excitement. This is over the rare photos taken in Thailand of a “living fossil”, an ancient creature that was supposed to be extinct millions of years back……….hmmm……. I wonder how disappointed they will be once they realise that was just M.Karunandhi who was photographed during a official visit to Laos.

Google has now launched a site exclusively devoted to Shakespeare and his works. Oh man, forget the Chinese…….no one in ANY country is going to be searching for stuff in the site. How sick is everyone of The Bard and his plays already?

The following articles by Srivats πŸ™‚

Brad Pitt has been voted the best dad of the year. Britney Spears took home the worst mom award for the second time in as many weeks.

The results for the funniest comedy on TV is out. Even I guessed it wrong. Its not NDTV Sports 24X7 with Navjot Singh Sidhu.

Eminem is to return to the big screen in a Western movie. Its called ” The Good Fuck, the Bad Shit and the Ugly Ass”.

Agassi was defeated by Henman in the ATP Queen’s tournament. If thats not a sign to retire, then what is ?

Madhya Pradesh government wants to replace rhymes like “Baa baa black sheep” and “Twinkle Twinkle little star” to Indian English ones. They are changing it to “Baa baa kichu kichu thaaa”

The following articles by Vishwa πŸ™‚

Paid just Rs 4 a day under national rural employment guarantee act, a widow in Gujarat moved to HC. After all it is Common MINIMUM program. Come on lady, don’t fight for this. Learn to be like the software engineers who either work for peanuts or all that they work on is ‘kadalai’.

The education ministry in Karnataka plans to scrap Nursery rhymes from curriculum to preserve Indian culture. Did Jack and Jill committed adultery or was humpty dumpty a pimp? Instead, children are to be taught the traditional wisdom through songs like “choli ke pechay”, “B.C. sutta.. sutta na mila”.

The committee to choose the curriculum is to consist of moral paragons like Mika singh, Rakhi sawant, Rahul Mahajan, Mallika sherawat, Emraan Hashmi and some volunteers of SMS fame from DPS.

Helmet for driver and pillion rider to be made mandatory in Bangalore . Similarly Condom to be made mandatory for truck drivers and a single ‘lemon’ for the trucks themselves; that provided the truck drivers get back to work post the diesel price hike.

PM’s policy on ‘ zero’ tolerance for Human rights violation in Kashmir has no takers. Journalists have criticized the CNN-IBN channel for making it the headlines. They said “when has anyone ever considered our present PM as an entity?” They call it a breach of journalist’s dharma.

Anbumani Ramadoss (the health minister who confused stethoscope for tie) plans to withdrawn salaries of AIIMs doctors. To avoid similar salary cuts, the 7 cabinet ministers who have flown abroad, holidaying on junket and the BJP MPs who were government’s guest at Tihar, have flocked back even before the onset of monsoon.

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