(These are actual news stories from around the world btw)
A patient in Dallas who was wearing an oxygen mask tried to light a cigarette in his hospital room, sparking a fire that forced the evacuation of more than 100 patients, destroyed the room and melted medical equipment, officials said.…..I wonder why he was in the hospital in the first place……..hopefully not for lung cancer…… he seems to be doing himself no favors whatsoever in the treatment process so far.
A German scientist has created the world’s smallest soccer pitch — so minute that 20,000 of them could fit onto the tip of a human hair. Wow…..that’s just amazing. But too bad for Ronaldo. I don’t think he will fit inside this stadium. He has trouble getting into the normal ones these days with all the excess fat. This is just off-limits for him.
A 61-year-old German on trial for theft got himself into more trouble when he stole a bunch of keys from the judge during his court hearing, police said. I am not a genius or something but is this really the best way to suck up to the guy who has your fate in his hands? Can you imagine the Judge about to rule in this guy’s favor? ‘The court hereby declares the defendant as not guilty……….hey!!! Wait a minute…..where the hell is my hammer…….I can’t do this without my hammer…….and what is that bulge in the defendant’s pants?……… I just hope it’s not what I think it is ………or there will be hell to pay for…….
An official in charge of controlling litter in Youngstown, Ohio has been accused of littering up his own property. How embarrassing is that? Now, everyone in the town knows…….This guy goes up to a kid and says – “Hey little fella, pick up that Pepsi can you just threw on the sidewalk” and pat comes the reply – “Look who’s talking……..its the empty-beer-bottles-in-the-front-lawn guy………how’s THAT situation coming along Mr. Spick-n-span?”.
A woman in Oregon who called 911 to get “the cutest cop I’ve seen” has been arrested on charges of misuse of the emergency dispatch system. Come on, let’s be reasonable. She probably had this party she needed to go to and was stood up by her boyfriend at the last minute. If this isn’t an emergency, then what is? Just cut her some slack. The term ‘Emergency’ is very subjective and can be interpreted in more ways than one.
A 13-year-old boy spent about $2 million from a school computer buying a helicopter, a jet and other items over the Internet using a password belonging to a friend’s mother. Can you imagine the look on the woman’s face when she gets her credit card bill at the end of the month? She would be like – “Let me have a look………Shoes-100 dollars……..fine……..microwave – 35 dollars………cool……….Helicopter – 1.5 million dollars…………what!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! When did I buy that? I don’t recall buying that…….let me check this again…………..no way………..you GOTTO be kidding me.