Since this is the weekend, something different from the usual for today. Here are some actual headlines from some of the lesser known publications that are quite hilarious. It is highly likely that the people who wrote these headlines are longer employed in any capacity whatsoever.
‘Port to get nuclear detectors that won’t be set off by cat litter.’
[This just makes perfect sense. Why would anyone invest millions of dollars to make nuclear detectors that detect cat litter and the likes? All you need for that is a trained cat.]
‘Man convicted for child molestation goes free because judge accepted a Donut’.
[I don’t even understand this one. I mean, was the donut laced with chloroform or something? And what kind of message are we sending out to child molesters? That all they need is a doughnut to bait the judge? The same doughnut they used to bait the kids in the first place?]
‘Eyebrow wax herpes lawsuit to proceed’
[I don’t know what kind of a case that is……but am surprised that they managed to find a lawyer willing to take it up…..eyebrow wax herpes…..yikes!!!]
‘Dead chickens save drivers on car registration’.
[So who says that dog is man’s best friend?]
‘Belgians battle caterpillar plague with love traps’
[…….and we thought the Dutch were crazy…….and please, I don’t even want to know what those ‘love traps’ are…..eeewwwwwww]
‘Cows’ urine source of lake trouble’
[I would usually associate the phrase ‘lake trouble’ with the Lochness Monster……turns out I underestimated the threat posed by our bovine companions]
‘Tony, please support our breasts’
[At last some good news for Tony Blair. If the people want him to listen to what they are saying, then they better say stuff like this that grabs his attention. If THIS request doesn’t, nothing will.]
‘Hollywood post office evacuated after substance causes swelling, tingling’
[Wow…..wonder what kind of substance that is……I mean, they have tried out pretty much every kind of gross substance in Hollywood…..especially those that cause swelling and tingling…..hmmm…..could be a tough one for the medical community.]
‘Pee on Earth Day announced’
[As a race, we have done everything humanly possible to make the earth as polluted and dirty as we could……..now lets all stand up together and pee on it……come on guys…..we owe it to the planet, don’t we?]
‘Penis’ falls short of heady expectations’
[For all you people with dirty minds, the word Penis here refers to a play by Oscar winner Ernest Thompson……]