24th September, Monday : Clown of the Week # 4

There comes a time in the life of a Pope when he has this irresistible urge to say ‘enough is ENOUGH!’, pack up his bags, go to Germany and make a long-winding speech – the essence of which can be reduced to two words -Islam sucks. The right thing to do when he gets the urge, of course, would be to ignore it, head into his Papal room, put on that silly Papal hat and think long and hard about whether it would look better in black.

Pope Benedict XVI, unfortunately, chose the former option and now he is taking up valuable newspaper space that could have been better used to further bash Kevin Federline’s debut as a ‘rapper’. But what’s done is done and all that is left for us to do, to salvage something from the debacle, is this – take bets on the extent to which the Pope might be willing to kiss some serious Muslim ass in the coming weeks.

Even at the best of times, it takes very little to get the Muslim community all riled up. A cartoon…..or being asked to sing Vande Mataram….. or sometimes a power cut even. But on this occasion, they have something solid to work with. I know I have never had to go through the rigors of being a Pope myself. But how difficult is it to talk for an hour about the many merits of Christianity and NOT say the words ‘Mohammad only brought the world evil and inhuman things’?

Seriously……..because that is precisely what the pontiff did. And he assumed that Muslims worldwide would take it in the right spirit, nod their head in agreement and carry on with their daily lives – which primarily revolves around reading the Koran and thinking up newer ways to tamper a cricket ball using just a paper towel and some bubblegum.

And it gets funnier. The Pope initially contended that his comments were not meant as a harsh criticism of Islam. Apparently, he just wanted to explore the historical and philosophical differences between Islam and Christianity. And it was only too obvious from his research that while Jesus was a beacon of light and hope for humanity, Mohammad was as useful to the world as the Chickungunya virus. Let’s say for a moment that he actually believes this. That’s OK. But does he HAVE to bear his soul to the public like that and give a bunch of bearded bozos a chance to go off like a time-bomb in a Kashmiri school??

That’s right. The Muslims are on the rampage again. Churches have gotten burnt, Christian women have been killed and around a million George Bush posters were defecated upon. (They do this irrespective of the situation anyways). Osama’s latest video has him stroking his beard slowly and shaking his head from time to time. Based on what the past has taught us, am thinking – Does the Pope have adequate life insurance or what?

There must have been other people in the Vatican who also thought along the same lines. After they had their heart to heart session with the Pope, the old man has come out with all kinds of apologies aimed at appeasing the Muslims. And he is not someone who apologizes all that easily. It would be decidedly easier to get Donald Trump to apologize to Martha Stewart than to get the Pope to apologize to Martha Stewart…….. Or something to that effect….I hope you get what am trying to say here……Basically the pontiff is pretty much aloof and goes about thinking he is infallible and all that. So, one can appreciate his difficulty in this particular situation. In a last ditch effort, he has invited all offended Muslim leaders to attend some sort of tea party at his summer house. Home-made pizza has not been ruled out. A few Muslim clerics have signed up for the bash. Others remain adamant in their stance and demand that Monica Belucci be present as well. The Pope has said he will see what he can do.

And btw, the Clown of the Week award, this time around, goes to…….Pope Benedict XVI.

I know he was an obvious choice and everyone knows he goofed up big time with this fiasco. But I still couldn’t pass on a chance to give the Pope the honour of being a part of this distinguished group of gentlemen (who have been recipients of the award). Can you blame me for that? :-))


I know that the award is given out on Sundays but I was away on a road trip over the weekend. That’s right. A ROAD TRIP. Consequently, I had to make an exception this time around and do this on a Monday. I think you guys can understand. If we can’t even make a few adjustments for the Pope…………:-))]


One comment

  1. good post da…very funny…

    and u have made urself a nominee for the next COTW with “Muslims…their daily lives – which primarily revolves around …thinking up newer ways to tamper a cricket ball using just a paper towel and some bubblegum.”


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