Headlines : 22nd December, 2008

Christmas shopping time is here. Huge discounts and rebates on HDTVs, cameras, laptops, everything. 40% discounts on Nobel prizes.

Yep. Certain members of the selection committee could have very well taken bribes. This is a contagion. Bidding for Senate seats, Nobel prizes….it’s all like a badly shot episode of ‘The Price is Right’.

Oil prices going down alarmingly. It’s so cheap right now that Al Gore was spotted driving around in a Hummer.

Gas is so cheap that Somalian pirates are letting oil tankers pass by. It’s so cheap that GM and Ford are considering buying back their corporate jets.

But no one is buying any GM cars. That trend is here to stay. The only consolation for Rick Wagoner – Toyota posted its first loss in 70 years.

The auto bail-out, in this context, clearly looks doomed. Or as Sarah Palin puts it, ‘A bridge loan to nowhere’.

Shoplifting in retail stores across America has peaked in December. People are stealing everything from CDs to drugs and designer clothing. Even Xmas trees. No such problems at GM and Ford dealerships. You know it’s a bad sign when no one wants your cars even if they can get it for free.

The police have reassured the public that banks are safe though. Obviously. Why would thieves even consider institutions that have no money or any tangible assets worth stealing?

The brand of shoes that the Iraqi reporter threw at Bush is now in great demand. So much so that the shoemaker had to hire 100 new personnel. So Bush has finally kept up his promise of creating more jobs. The only catch – it’s not in America.

The captured terrorist, Ajmal Amir Kasab, has written a letter to the Pakistan High Commission seeking legal assistance. To make sure the letter is delivered, he has specifically requested the police to not use the Indian Postal Service.

Pak President Zardari has laughed off claims in the Indian media that he is a mere puppet. When asked for comment, Manmohan went on the offensive –‘Who says I am a puppet? Sonia-ji is not running the….’ before stopping abruptly.

In his end-of-the-year address, the Pope has re-iterated his message that saving the world from homosexuals is just as important as saving the rainforests. That’s because for each day that we allow two men make love, the world loses 137 plant, animal and insect species.

Its possible, of course, that he may have been referring to the gay Catholic priests, Bishops and other perverted Pedophiles working for him. The world certainly needs to be saved from them!

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