Headlines: 14th January, 2009

Good news folks! The job market is looking up and companies are hiring again. Just today on Naukri.com, I saw openings for the positions of CEO, CFO, COO, CTO, VPs, and Directors at Satyam Computers. Recession? What recession?

The government has taken charge at Satyam and plans to replace the entire Board of Directors with its own nominees. Ostensibly, with the aim of avoiding any further shocks going forward. Makes sense. When was the last time any of us got shocked when reading about corrupt government officials?

The Centre is also planning a 2,000 crore salary bailout for the 53,000 Satyam employees. This sends out the right message. Namely, if you are the CEO of a large MNC, feel free to siphon off all the company’s cash reserves and profits with a clear conscience. Your employees will be somehow taken care of.

On the plus side, Infosys intends to honour all the campus offers it made for 2009. A marked difference to Satyam, where it’ll be more along the lines of ‘Yes your Honour, No your Honour’.

After the revelations about Satyam, it’s the turn of Wipro to be banned by the World Bank, for bribing its employees. Shows you how business models have changed at banks – nowadays, they are taking in money rather than lending it out.

One Supreme Court judge, along with 11 high court judges in the Ghaziabad judiciary have been accused of using court funds for making expensive personal purchases. They are likely to be fired with immediate effect and sent where they belong. To form the new Board of Directors at Satyam.

Prince Harry is in a spot of bother for calling a Pakistani Army Captain a ‘Paki’ in a home video. Its a derogatory term, apparently. I believe the politically correct term is ‘non-state actor’.

Pakistan has dismissed the 26-11 dossier submitted by India as ‘information’, not proof. They want us to be more extensive with the investigation and provide more documentary evidence. I know what you’re thinking. If only the auditors from PwC were this thorough…

Former Rajasthan CM Vasundhara Raje has been accused of corruption and arrested in connection with the Deendayal Upadhyay Trust land scam. In her defense, she was probably stuck riding a galloping camel not knowing how to get off without a parachute.

In his role as UN Ambassador, Sanjay Dutt could get a chance to meet Barack Obama. Great. That should put an end to all talk of Obama ‘palling around’ with terrorists.

Finally some solid evidence for the existence of parallel universes. Right here on planet earth. Both the SL Army and the LTTE released statements claiming to have achieved a string of major victories against each other. Right now, both armies are simultaneously in-charge of Kilinochchi. A classic win-win situation.

The new ‘Kings Button’ iPhone 3G, made with gold and diamonds, is now available for a cool $3 million!! Unfortunately, the steep price tag means that the market for the product is very niche. Under present economic conditions, only auditors, Somalian pirates, Supreme Court judges and AIG executives can afford it.

This is touching. Manmohan Singh had sent a personally signed New Year greeting card, featuring a dove, to Pakistan President Zardari. It almost worked. Till he chose to sign off with ‘To my dear Paki friend’.

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2 comments

  1. To be fair to the World Bank, money has to go IN first, before it can go out..

    And you should mention that only the Somali pirates that don’t drown with the ransom money can buy the iPhone 🙂 Maybe they can pre-install numbers of various governments so ransom calls can be made faster.

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  2. Agreed. But should Satyam and Wipro be taking the trouble to bail the WB out in the first place? I believe the WB has other legitimate sources of income 😉

    And yeah, read the about the infighting and how some of them were found washed up ashore. Somalia is humanitarian disaster of such epic proportions that I am very wary of kidding around about what’s happening there. Ditto for Gaza.

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