Headlines: 23rd January, 2009

Big news! Steven Spielberg is going to shoot another sequel to the hit Jurassic Park series. But there will be no dinosaurs. Instead, PM candidates from the BJP and Congress for the 2009 Lok Sabha elections will represent the life forms from that era.

Yep. Look at the roll call from both sides – Advani, Vajpayee, Pranab Mukherjee, Manmohan Singh…..But the real scary part? John McCain would be the youngest contender at the polls if he ever opts to relocate here.

Several names being thrown about in the Congress for ’09. Pranab Mukherjee among them. Following decades of service to the Congress, he’s hopeful that he won’t be overlooked by Sonia. Much to his dismay, Asif Zardari called up Pranab today and asked him to stop ‘living in denial.’

And to stamp out any lingering embers of hope, Pranab has been handed the dreaded Finance Ministry post. That should seal his fate.

Advani has coined a new slogan for his party in the ’09 elections: ‘Give us your support; we promise you good governance’. He also has a new slogan for bridging diplomatic relations with Pakistan – ‘Give us Dawood and we promise to hand over Kalyan Singh’.

To counter the SP’s Sanjay Dutt nomination, the Congress will have Mohammad Azharuddin contest on its ticket. How about that? Closely observing developments, Pakistan demanded that India back this up with appropriate action and get them duly elected.

Manmohan will be out of action for up to five weeks after he undergoes a routine heart surgery operation on Saturday. Out for five weeks!! Surgeon RK Panda confessed that he had never come across a more cheerful patient at the operating table.

M. Karunanidhi has issued an ultimatum to the Centre threatening to withdraw support if it didn’t act on Lanka. He then warmly wished Manmohan good luck with his impending heart operation.

The DMK wants Lanka and the LTTE to arrive at a political solution through peaceful talks. Yeah right. How about trying to get Priya and Manyata Dutt on speaking terms first? Lets see if we can accomplish that.

Subramanian Swamy has chipped in his with his perspective. He reckons that the LTTE is not relevant in Lankan politics anymore, does not represent its people and is part of the problem, and not the solution. Ironically, the same arguments apply to the Janata Party in the Indian context.

Karunanidhi contends that, as a “great democracy”, India has the right to intervene and question ethnic violence in any part of the world. Meanwhile, both the Congress and BJP have taken strong objection to British Foreign Secretary David Miliband’s comments on our cross-border disputes with Pakistan.

India has indicated that it draws the line at the UK offering “solutions” to India’s internal problems. I’m glad we are the ones drawing lines. The last time an Englishman drew a line to solve an Indo-Pak dispute, things didn’t work out particularly well, did they?

Our stance is clear. Kashmir is an “internal” issue. We don’t need any advice / help from the US or UK. But when the same LeT militants (again with the help of the ISI), wreck havoc in Mumbai, we’ll demand that the US, UK and the rest of the international community take action to dismantle the terrorist camps. Go figure.

Following his criticism of Slumdog Millionaire’s unflattering portrayal of Mumbai, Amitabh Bachchan has also dismissed the importance of the Oscars from Bollywood’s perspective. Unless he is looking to get invited for a tea party at Raj Thackeray’s place, its not really clear what the Big B is trying to accomplish here.

To wrap up, a what-the-hell-was-the-editor-smoking-when-he-let-this-one-pass headline from the Indian Express : “Bollywood actress, Aussie troops: Afghan ‘sex scandal’ under probe.”

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3 comments

  1. @ Sridhar : Thanks dude!

    @ Violet : So much fuss was made in the US over the age factor, and here we are with a whole bunch of candidates who were born around the time of the Industrial Revolution. Amazing!

    Like

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