Headlines: 9th February, 2009

Pakistan’s report is out. The 26/11 attacks were planned in Europe, of all places. In other words, this is Pakistan’s way of telling our NSA that we are barking up the wrong tree.

Europe? The attack on Bombay planned in Britain, perhaps? Last time I checked, the East India Company was definitely defunct. France, maybe? That should explain Sarkozy’s lousy approval ratings- you know, attacking Bombay with London right next door.

Pakistani Prez Zaradari has accused India of trying to diplomatically isolate the country from the international community. It’s not entirely clear what he meant – but he wants India to immediately stop the ‘emotional hatyachar’.

Since no one seems remotely interested in volunteering, Kalyan Singh has offered to take full moral responsibility for 26/11. Admirable.

Faheem Ansari, an accused in the 26/11 attacks, has alleged that a female agent from the FBI sexually harassed him while he was in custody of the Mumbai Police. Maybe she was just checking his background using some coercive methods? Taken out of context, the phrase ‘Who’s your daddy??’ and some good-natured spanking can mean a whole lot of things.

Coming on top of the winter Olympics in Tihar and the bindas lifestyle of Ramalinga Raju in jail, this is a shocker. Criminals in this country have never had it so good… I mean, sex, games, luxury? …. It’s a dozen AK-47s short of living in Sanjay Dutt’s basement in 1993 all over again.

The moral of the story – if you carry out the job and get killed, the pay-off is 72 virgins. If you fail and get caught, you are allotted a slutty cop to sex you up in jail. Not a bad business to be in, this jihad thingy.

P Chidambaram has condemned the Ram Sena and indicated that the Congress would not allow any organization to “operate as a self-styled police force”. You know, like the Congress under Indira Gandhi in 1975. Or the Congress under Indira Gandhi with Operation Blue Star.

The BJP issued a statement saying that Ayodhya would NOT be a key poll plank for the party. Amazing. With a single strike, Pramod Muthalik has achieved the impossible – the BJP wants to have nothing to do with ‘Ram’ anymore.

In a shocking case of caste discrimination, Dalit families in Rajasthan were asked to purify themselves by drinking cow urine to participate in a yagna at the local Hanuman mandir. The Dalits have not been insulted this badly since the HRD Ministry gave their kids those 10-dollar “laptops” last week.

SRK was forced to defend himself after hundreds of hairdressers slammed his film’s title “Billu Barber”. SRK argued that if he wanted to use a real derogatory term, he would have named the film “Billu Election Commissioner”.

Meg Whitman, the former CEO of eBay, is planning to run for governor of California. Awesome. She can teach Rod Blagojevich a thing or two about auctioning Senate seats without getting caught.

After much drama, the US Senate passed the bailout bill 61-36. But not before N. Gopalaswami threatened to suo motu sack the entire Republican Party.

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3 comments

  1. Ha! Glad to see Rajus’ VIP status was not missed by you. I’m surprised such facilities even exist in prisons. Have people forgotten what they are used for?

    I cannot even believe that people are protesting the word “barber”. It’s not derogatory, it’s a profession for god’s sake! I think everyone in this country is just going nuts.

    Perhaps Meg Whitman will change the entire system and make auctions open and transparent 🙂 you can even bid on eBay!

    Like

  2. “Taken out of context, the phrase ‘Who’s your daddy??’ and some good-natured spanking can mean a whole lot of things.” – Awesome !
    Not much on the nature of harassment has been revealed. If its watching porn with a white chic then what the hell, he must be gay.

    Like

  3. “Taken out of context, the phrase ‘Who’s your daddy??’ – couldn’t stop laughing… btw who the hell complains when an american policewomen “check” you at the airport!… he has got to be gay!

    Like

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