Headlines: 13th March, 2009

It’s Holi. The festival of colours. The one day politicians can change shades every minute with no questions asked. Ominous signs for the BJP – no takers for the saffron dyes.

No one was spared. Even LK Advani was left red-faced at the end of the day. But it had nothing to do with Holi. Just that all his allies are bailing on him at the last minute.

Speaking of which, Naveen Patnaik is facing another flood crisis in Orissa. This time around, his office has been inundated with frantic calls from every single Prime Ministerial candidate in the Third Front.

Its ridiculous how everyone in the Third Front is considering himself / herself PM material. Having said that, its good to have choices. Last time, we had to pick between an Italian and someone who’d never won a Lok Sabha seat.

The scary part? Mayawati has thrown her hat in the ring. She is virtually holding the Left Parties to ransom threatening to leave the Front if she is not nominated. Am slowly starting to buy into the whole karma philosophy.

But the Third Front leaders say they wont project a PM candidate till the elections are over. In effect, we are asked to vote for them now to afford them the right to make up their minds later.

And what a motley crew at that! The beard (Naidu), the nay-sayer (Karat), the fat one (JJ), the retard (Mayawati), the sleeper (Gowda)…. its like watching the Lagaan XI contesting the elections.

Given recent developments, the Election Commission is now faced with a great challenge. Its dysfunctional team has been entrusted with the task of scheduling and securely conducting IPL matches while sneaking in a general election in between, if possible.

Doesn’t it feel like that? Why are we negotiating back and forth with Lalit Modi on the verge of arguably the country’s most important elections ever? Taken collectively – with Pak-Taliban, Lanka-LTTE, Bangladeshi Army-defectors, India- Modi – the entire Asian subcontinent is involved in negotiating with terrorists. Not our proudest moment.

India has handed over its replies to the 30 questions from Pak. Just to be safe, it has handed separate copies to everyone currently in charge of Pakistan – the Taliban, Zardari, Gilani, the Army Chief, Nawaz Sharif and Imran Khan.

This raises some serious concerns for Obama. If the Commies take over India and the Taliban topple Zardari, the US wouldn’t know which country to invade first.

Pranab defended himself in a recent interview with Karan Thapar. He said the economy was under pressure and struggling to cope. The Congress had done all it could but the road to recovery was slow and painful. No wait….. this was about Manmohan in hospital.

Anybody even remember him? Manmohan’s completely disappeared from the public radar. He’s done his bit for the party but the spotlight is totally on Sonia and Rahul these days. He got a note from Resul Pookutty that said ‘Been there, done that’.

Mulayam finally admitted that it was a mistake to hand out money to voters as part of Holi celebrations. So the mistake count, as per Amar Singh’s calculations, currently reads Mulayam – 1, CBI – 288.

Reacting to criticism from the Dalai Lama, China contended that Tibet was in fact a ‘paradise on earth’, rather than hell. The Govt spokesman said China would only take that back if we stopped calling SWAT valley the Switzerland of the Far East.

Update on the Iraqi shoe thrower. He’s been sentenced to 3 years in jail. And grandpa Bernie Madoff, who swindled more than 50 billion, has been handed a lifetime sentence. Or 3 years, whichever is shorter.

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