Day 11: Latest update on the search for the missing Malaysian Flight MH370*
*Refer to update on Day 1
In today’s press briefing, the Malaysian Prime Minister kept up the theme of constant denials and contradictions from his govt by claiming there never was a MH370. He accused international news organizations and search crews of binge-watching too much ‘Lost’ on Netflix.
Many suspect the Malaysian govt of deliberate misinformation and foul play. They are vehemently denying it. I believe them. Its not like the Malaysians have a thriving illegal migrant trade routed through their airports or anything. Nothing to hide.
Lots of theories on what happened. The latest, based on radar data, claims the plane flew North as far as Kazakhstan. Another scenario based on the same radar data indicates its somewhere South in the Indian Ocean. A baffling paradox? Not if you know your physics. Its a simple case of Schroedinger’s Plane.
Rupert Murdoch tweeted out loud that he believes the plane has been hijacked and hidden safely in North Pakistan (much like bin Laden). Wolf Blitzer on CNN reacted by saying this theory was not wildly speculative enough to bring Rupert on CNN as an “expert”.
On re-reading his tweet the next day, Murdoch wrote a follow-up wishing he had tweeted something less embarrassing to the entire world, like a bunch of dick pics under the pseudonym ‘Carlos Danger’.
Despite the two Iranians with fake passports on board, terrorism has been more or less ruled out as a possibility. I don’t know who is more disappointed – the Ayatollah Khamenei or Fox News.
Since MH370 could have flown for 2,200 nautical miles from its last known position, it had a potential 364 runways in 26 different countries to land in. On a positive note, Vladimir Putin has already sent thousands of Russian troops to Ukraine to inspect and cross it off the list. 1 down. 25 more to go.
With no other leads, the focus is on the pilots. Chief pilot Zaharie Shah is suspected of hijacking the plane as a protest against the ruling party. Only people with no political beliefs or core convictions whatsoever should fly planes from now on. On the downside, this just leaves us with the population of Switzerland. And Manmohan Singh.
His co-pilot, Fariq Hamid, has been known to bring women into the cockpit for fun on previous flights. Despite the obvious security risks, any young Muslim man driving a plane who seeks the company of virgins on earth as opposed to the afterlife is fine by me.
With the search expanded to the Andaman sea, India has joined in the hunt as well. The Malaysian govt called it a welcome development – ‘We know people are saying there is no way the search effort could have been handled more incompetently or shoddily than we have so far. We are quite confident they will be made to eat their words soon’.
India has thrown in an astrologer in the mix to “help”, which has led to plenty of ridicule. Mostly from people who dismissed the idea as absurd in the age of satellites, radar etc. Instead, they have been fervently “praying” to their favorite deity for divine intervention. Much more rational.
Meanwhile, China has urged Malaysia to be more open in sharing information accurately and in a timely manner. Ouch! You know you are in trouble when the Chinese are demanding you be more transparent.
In a desperate measure, a Shaman performed rituals at Kuala Lumpur airport with coconuts, a magic stick and carpet. On the bright side, whatever the witch doctor mumbled at those coconuts arguably made more sense than the Malaysian government’s official statements.
Since everyone has a theory on what happened, here’s mine- ‘At 165 million square kms in area, the Pacific Ocean covers about 50% of the Earth’s water surface and about 1/3rd of its total surface area’. Much larger than the average swimming pool, you know.