Putin Still Undecided If He Cares Less about G8 Expulsion OR the Kardashian Vogue Cover


Official sources in the Kremlin have revealed that Russian President Vladimir Putin couldn’t care less about being ejected from the coalition of the G8 nations as a response to his annexation of Crimea. Speaking to reporters, Foreign Minister Sergey Lavrov said – ‘Mr.Putin is in the process of figuring out a series of complicated next steps. Should he invade and capture the whole of Ukraine? Or should he first take over other fringe countries like Estonia and Latvia? Where should he be staging the next mock referendum? Amidst all this, Mr.Putin was in a good place mentally about how much of a rats ass he gave about the sanctions put in place so far’.

In that context, the Kardashian Vogue controversy couldn’t have come at a worse time for him. Anna Wintour’s decision, as the editor of Vogue, to put Kim Kardashian on the cover has outraged the upper echelons of NYC’s latte-sipping bicycle-riding fashion magazine subscribers and set twitter alight over the weekend. ‘Now that the ridiculous Vogue story has been brought to his attention, Mr.Putin has to weigh it against the G8 expulsion to figure out which one he could give less of a f**k about’ explained Sergey Lavrov. ‘This has not been easy’.

As someone who has also been in the news recently due to an unauthorized invasion into foreign territory, French President Hollande was sympathetic to Putin – ‘Even as we slap more meaningless sanctions on Vlad, I understand the tricky situation he is in. A few months ago, I dint know if I cared less about my marriage or my commitment to honorably serving the French people as I went about banging that cute actress’.

CNN’s Wolf Blitzer confessed that he could relate to Putin’s dilemma as well -‘Once we made the editorial decision as a media outlet to exclusively cover the missing Malaysian plane on a borderline obsessive level, it was rather difficult to decide what other critical stories we dint give a damn about. Was it Crimea? Or the bloody protests in Venezuela? Should it be the continuing horror in Syria? We had so many options to pick from’.

‘Let’s just hope the Oscar Pistorius trial result isn’t announced any time soon’ said a worried looking Lavrov as he signed off.


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