France passes new law making it mandatory for men to spend weekends with their mistresses

Following up on a law that bans employees from checking emails after work hours, France has passed another stunning piece of legislation that has made it mandatory for men to spend weekends and public holidays with their mistresses.

Explaining the rationale behind this law, Minister Thierry Braillard said –“Surveys show that men in France spend most of their already short 35-hour work weeks coming up with fake alibis to tell their wives. Now, they are protected by the law and can consider being actually productive at work for the first time”.

He also added that the rather large group of housewives who were seen protesting vociferously outside the French Parliament should have had the good sense to be the mistresses in the first place. “They only have themselves to blame”, he shrugged.

The biggest beneficiary of the new law is expected to be French President Francois Hollande, who was visibly elated  –“This gives me an opportunity to spend less time evading paparazzi by wearing elaborate disguises while visiting my mistress and spend more time running the country. Speaking of which, I hear something about Putin? What did the old rascal do now?”

Somewhat more inexplicable was the vocal support for the law from First Lady Valerie Trierweiler. In an interview to Le Monde, Miss Trerweiler said that she was “completely fine” with Mr.Hollande having multiple affairs or even a threesome with her best friend as long as she could remain the First Lady and keep the private jet.

The reaction from the French media has been uniformly negative so far. The editors at Closer Magazine summed up it well –“We were having so much fun playing hide and seek with the President as he went mistress hopping in his little bike. What are we supposed to do now? Talk about Crimea? Or earthquakes in Mexico?”

Sources reveal that the Cabinet is busy drafting other articles of legislation including one that forbids French troops from surrendering within the first 17 minutes of any military combat and another that explicitly prohibits the discussion of Angela Merkel in any kind of sexual context whatsoever.

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