(Hat tip: to the retiring David Letterman, and the Top Ten List segment on his show )
We live in strange times indeed. So strange that a guy with no legs decides to shoot his super hot girlfriend for no apparent reason. So strange that Dennis Rodman is the Western Hemisphere’s ambassador of choice to North Korea. So strange, in fact, that a plane with 239 passengers that vanishes into thin air is not the weirdest thing to have happened this year. No. That honour belongs to the unveiling of former President George W Bush as a painter.
Go on. Take all the time you need to digest that factoid.
How could this have happened? How can someone whose IQ is lower than a sunken black box in the Indian Ocean have his own art exhibition? How is it possible that a man who is no more capable of finding Waldo than he is of finding alleged WMDs, is now part of the artistic community? How can a chap who cannot handle a lemonade stand any more efficiently than he can handle his government’s response to a devastating hurricane, consider himself a contemporary of Banksy? Is this God punishing us for electing a black man as President of the United States? Twice?
Regardless, the bottomline is that George Bush has time on his hands and he has picked painting as his hobby. We all have to suck it up and make our peace with that new reality. However, if you are interested in understanding the murky motivations behind this terribly misguided initiative, you’re in luck. Read on.
In his own words, the Top 10 reasons why George Bush took up painting after leaving office:
10. “I want to call myself the Artist formerly known as Bush”
9. “Rumsfeld threatened to waterboard me if I dint do his portrait”
8. “I figured I could nail the not-being-appreciated-in-my-lifetime part as an artist really well”
6. “Colin Powell promised to sell all my paintings. He can sell literally anything to dumb morons”
5. “I was told it doesn’t involve any reading”
4. “Who better to bring oil and painting together, eh?”
3. “Cheney assured me that as an artist, I will, in fact, be greeted as a Liberace”
2. “I was told it definitely doesn’t involve any reading”
1. “I have this fabulous sketch of the Prophet Mohammed that I want you all to see….”